The School Team
When a homeschooler decides that school is better, we all say, "You made the right decision. We support you." Even if, last week, we were all talking about how school is fundamentally flawed, essentially wrong for learning, how homeschooling is wonderful, blissful, how happy we are about our kids. This isn't about being a homeschooler or not, it's about being a good friend, who isn't going to demand that you explain yourself, and isn't going to crabbily judge you or whatever.
It's easy to let other people's decisions threaten yours. Especially when that person is an active advocate of homeschooling -- not a fence-sitter at all. I would almost have said, to continue the inappropriate war metaphor, that she was a lieutenant, if not a general. It's like having a PETA activist pick up a hamburger and say, "It's delicious." You can't just brush it off and say, well, she was never committed, or she hasn't really thought about this. She was and she has, and she chose to put her kids in school. So now what? I recognize that I feel defensive of my choice in the face of her choice. Does that mean I'm uncertain? Does that mean I'm a little envious? If I say, "You did the right thing," does that mean I'm not as committed as I thought I was?
The Homeschool Team
When a group of people doing something that's marginalized in our culture, like homeschooling or breastfeeding or vegetarianism or... whatever... and they lose one of their number to the mainstream, I guess it would be weird if there were cheering. We do what we do because we believe in it, and it's okay to not feel total unflinching joy when someone changes her mind. But I'd be the last person to stand up and argue with someone who's making different choices. It's impossible to know what will happen, and I know that it could be me "turning coat" in a few years, for equally solid reasons all my own.
That is so wonderfully honest and true. Wow!
I also really chuckled at the pictures of the school team and then the homeschool team.
Love this! Totally spoke my mind and now I must blog about it!!!!
Ooh ... it was *so* hard to not be disappointed when a IRL friend who was considering homeschooling decided to put her oldest into a school last year. All things considered, she is an intelligent, loving, wonderful mother who wants to do the best for her children, and I have to respect that. But it was still hard to lose that connection.
Thanks for the great post.
A few years ago, I found myself in a similar situation. My reaction was grief. Having this friend exit our homeschooling community was a very real loss to me, and a shock as well, since I knew nothing of it until seeing one of the children in front of my house waiting for the bus. But, I guess that is what makes the situation different; these people are our Real Life Friends.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
BTW, my name's Rebecca, and I homeschool 2 high school girls. Got here from the carnival. Nice to meet you!
I got the same tramadol attack... well, not the same, because it was only about 20 comments instead of 90, and i t have any filtering set up, and I just deleted them one at a time... hmm.. the only thing really in common was that it was about tramadol... what filter do you have set up that caught them all?
Bonjour! What a super websight! Very refreshing to peruse from where we live in Paris (France). I eat frogs and drink wine. Woold like more informatons on this. Best regards! Mikael.
Bonjour! What a super websight! Very refreshing to peruse from where we live in Paris (France). I eat frogs and drink wine. Woold like more informatons on this. Best regards! Mikael.
Bonjour! What a super websight! Very refreshing to peruse from where we live in Paris (France). I eat frogs and drink wine. Woold like more informatons on this. Best regards! Mikael.
First off, I really like your blog and your site. Nice work:>Now re: your blog on 'Fallen Comrade'...
How true -- especially your comment about 'other peoples' decisions.' I have been on the other side of that wall -- my decision to home school my sons resulted in someone I thought of as a friend getting very angry and defensive. When I asked what the problem was I was told 'I feel like you are judging me for not homeschooling, for sending my son to school.' I said 'Look, we each make the decision that is right for our family. You have thought about yours and come to your conclusion. For your family, this is the right choice. You didn't just slap him in any ole school, you looked long and hard to find the right one. I am homeschooling my boys because, for our family, that is the right decision.' Don't think she ever accepted the fact that I really didn't judge her on that. She had always been the one (before we both had kids) who was very pro-homeschool. Her cousin is a biggie in the HS world... so it is interesting to see it on the other side.
I struggle with how to respond to HSing friends that put their kids in school.
I tend to think that people who end up putting their children in school are generally trying to reproduce public school at home anyway. You know: boxed curriculum, school desks and chalkboard, hours of worksheets and endless review, etc. I don't know if this is always true, but casual observence tells me that this is true at least some of the time.
But no one does public school like the public schools. So why not take advantage of them?
I also wonder if we homeschoolers don't set the expectations too high about how "wonderful" it all is... is homeschooling life really so fun and fabulous all the time?
I've been homeschooling for about 4years, and I don't think so. I have had plenty of trying days, negative thoughts, unfounded worries, and experienced my share of friction with my children. I am not blissful. Ever.
Don't get me wrong... I love homeschooling. But I don't think it is a panacea for all of modern childhood's ills.
My kids have just as many problems in my HS as they probably would in public school. Their problems are a little different, but they're still difficult.
There are so many wonderful things about homeschooling that I enjoy. But HSing is NOT all fun, peaceful, harmonious, and well-executed in my home.
But I'm still at it. And I have hope and conviction about what I am doing.