Anyone Else Feeling a Bit Tired?
10 CommentsBy Lostcheerio on Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 9:10 AM.
Benny needs my almost constant attention when he's doing his school. Beyond the teaching of new concepts, he also needs help and encouragement in word and gesture as he's doing... anything. Put your finger under the next one Benny. What is this question asking you? Etc. He can't be left on his own to read a chapter of a book -- I have to listen and remind him to keep going. He can't be left to finish a page of math, or practice his violin. There are also a lot of things we're doing right now where I just need to be involved, like the elections class.
Now, I don't grudge him any of this time, obviously. I've tried rewarding him for working independently, I've tried setting time limits and natural consequences (if you're not done with this by 10:00 we can't go to the YMCA), and I've tried punishments for failure to perform (if you can't do this math on the computer, I'm taking away your Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 disk). I have just determined that it's not a decision he makes to be inattentive and unfocused, it's just what's going on in his head. The unfortunate thing about setting time limits and natural consequences is that Sadie then also gets punished.
Speaking of Sadie. She wants to do school this year. Desperately. She asks every day to practice her violin, do her math, read. I have her on Right Start kindergarten math, and we're doing phonics, and we're reading together. I need to be there with her when she's doing her lessons, obviously, because she's four.
So, I have two kids doing multiple lessons every day, and I have to be there to supervise all of it, and suddenly instead of "We don't spend much time at the kitchen table," we're spending a lot of time at tables, or next to each other on the sofa, or on the floor in the front room, or whatever -- doing school. This is not what I imagine for us.
The other new development this year, with Sadie a four-year-old and Benny an eight-year-old, is that they both have their own violin, they both have their own dance, they each have their friends and -- the "baby" is not just a tagalong anymore, she has her own agenda and activities and life.
I'm tired. I want them to have free time to play and chill. I feel like I'm drowning in school.
I need an unschooler to kick me in the head and say, "Step away from the lessons."
I need an experienced schooler of multiple children to say, "It gets easier and more normal and less time consuming."
I need someone to say, loudly, "Putting one of them in school is not an option."
I know that part of it is all the other stuff I've put on myself that's heavy -- editing novels for people, doing web sites for the dance studio, volunteering at church and violin, doing political work, this, that, and the other thing. I am trying to eliminate a few things -- the Bash will be over in a month, and I'm quitting the novel editing, and eventually the ballet web site will be done, and the elections class and canvassing will be over on November 4. Maybe at that point everything will just look more open. But then there's Nanowrimo and Christmas and, and, and.
Thanks for listening. Maybe I just needed to stomp around and yell about it so that I can take a deep breath and get on with it.
We have our house, our health, our gorgeous children, our glamorous interests, and we are never, ever, ever, bored. This is something to be happy about, right?
1. How to get this hair style: Cut off all your hair. ALL. Say to the haircutting man, "Take off everything that's ruined and killed" and then watch as all your hair is removed, down to the shy little inch-long roots. Then do NOTHING for six months. After six months, get extremely annoyed and hack off most of the back of your hair in the bathroom mirror with school scissors. Wait one more year. You're done!
2. Sadie is a badass. She had to get three shots today, and she made ABSOLUTELY no sound, not even a peep, not even a gasp, as they went in. Even during the one the nurse said she was doing last because it was going to b-u-r-n (spelling it nervously) she sat there still as a statue, watching the needle go in. Is this good or bad? She is going to be one tough ninja someday. Notice Fluffy the Webkinz in her lap. The doctor examined Fluffy exhaustively while Sadie rolled her eyes.
3. Our rabbit is awesome. When we got this stupid rabbit, I thought it was a whim Sadie was having, and that she wouldn't really play with it or love it. She does both, constantly. I have to say "Put the rabbit up" before we can get anything done around here. She drags it around by its skin, playing dolls with it, riding it in the baby stroller, making it live in the Barbie house, and also just hanging out with it and patting it while watching TV. It is the most patient, dear, un-biting, un-complaining rabbit. I really do not like this rabbit, just on principle. But I'm starting to convert. Here's the rabbit, Giselle, getting a physical from the children.
RNC: Bring on Joe Lieberman! I'm ready to be whelmed. Whelm me, Joe.
Labels: personal
1. When I was in my 20s I taught English at the University of Illinois at Chicago. One of my classes was expository writing based on cyborgs and robots, virtual life, etc. We as a class created a virtual world that the students inhabited. All their grades went toward points in their virtual worlds. There was also a MUSH version of this, but here's a link to the web version. Navigation is garbagey but remember it was like 1997, ok?
2. When I was in my 20s I co-founded and edited a very avant garde web site that got a lot of press and traffic. These were the avatars created for us by the site's illustrator. The site has been taken down now, and its domain name hijacked by a porn site. I'm the one on the left:
3. Shortly after Benny turned two I began designing, creating, and selling clothing for children. Click the image to visit my old web site, now defunct. My specialty was jackets, that's why my old standby email address is jackets at rpsd.com. I don't sell stuff any more. In fact, I wish I had all the stuff back that I ever sold. The money was not worth it. Now I just sew for fun and for the people I know and love. Lesson learned!
4. As a teenager I was very seriously into showing horses, my own and other people's. This ended rather abruptly when I injured my back. Here I am on one of my horses -- actually this is the one that hurt my back and made it impossible for me to continue riding. He was an awesome horse, though, very hot and fiery, lots of fun to ride, always a little out of control:
5. I have a Boston Terrier named Leroy. Well, he's technically Benny's, but...
6. I used to be a very unnatural blonde. Someday I intend to be blonde again:
Here's my fat chestnut pony that I first fell in love with when I was 8 and he was 4, and kept with me until I was 21 and he broke his knee by gambolling around in an icy pasture. The picture above is us winning the American Morgan Horse Association Youth of the Year (1988) and the below picture is me with our trainer driving him in a meadowbrook carriage. We did a bit of driving after the back injury. This was in Kentucky. I'm the passenger.
Labels: personal
So, the car was unrelated, the screen door slam was Ahno going out to check on the tree, but seriously, after the day I had yesterday, I'm almost ready to just stay inside for the rest of the week!
Labels: personal
I got this from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law:
Beautifully perfect -- I just love the big pink daisies. Thank you Mom and Terri!
From my wonderful husband I got this:
And a Wii!!! It was 100 degrees here and Benny was feeling too sick to go to the birthday party he was scheduled to attend, so we just stayed in the air conditioned house and played Wii all afternoon! Glorious. We got more laughs and cackles out of Wii Sports than it's decent to report, and Wii Fit is completely fun even for the kids.
I love Wii Fit. You get a little avatar that's as fat or thin as you are. Then you do games and exercises to improve your balance and strength plus aerobics and yoga. The most awesome part about it is that each member of the family has their own little avatar (called a Mii) and you compete on the games and there's a scoreboard and stuff. Every minute you spend exercising goes into a "bank" that unlocks new games and moves and exercises and yoga poses and whatnot. It's COMPLETELY RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME! You get to stamp each calendar day that you work out and you can keep track of your BMI and your balance ability and other things.
Susannah gave me some lovely perfume, Shez has a plan to take me out for a massage, I have more presents at Ahno's house, and it's all wonderful. Beyond the presents though, I am just feeling very cheered up, very encouraged, very optimistic in general.
Dan also got me this last weekend:
I didn't think I would be able to ride a bicycle very well, with my back problems. However, Benny is getting so fast with his bike that I can't keep up with him marching along with the stroller. The first time I rode this bike, Dan took me on a very easy 2 mile ride. The next morning I woke up with great trepidation, to find that my back was no worse. The next day I went on the same ride with Benny. Again, no ill effects. For the last three days, including today, I've been riding between five and eight miles, and I am *NOT* having back pain from it. This is just so encouraging because I was so worried that bike riding was going to be another fun thing (like riding horses, doing karate, etc) that I can't do because of the spinal issue. Turns out, at least AT THIS MOMENT, it is going to be fine. I've been riding in traffic, feeling good, getting stronger.
Another thing that's been bothering me was not being able to work out at the YMCA because Sadie was refusing to go to the toy room. Dan and Ahno both volunteered to work with me so I could leave the kids to go work out, but I don't like asking for help like that and they both have other things to do. Plus it makes it such a production to get 30 minutes on the elliptical. Swimming with the kids is great, but doesn't get my heart rate up. Anyway, now with Wii Fit, I feel like I will be able to work out when I want to, with the kids right there.
1. Bike
2. Wii Fit
3. I have a plan to have the YA novel revised and the "real" novel drafted by the end of the year. Between trips to PA, the kids being in summer camp, and Nanowrimo, I believe I will get this done this year.
4. Weight Watchers is working -- I've lost 4 pounds.
5. Here's one final thing that's really helping my mental health. Doing the science fair, and now working on putting together the book extravaganza for fall has been really good for me. This is a way that I can really feel like I'm stretching myself, learning new things, experiencing growth, all within the parameters of parenting my children. Of course I learn by homeschooling, but doing the science fair and the book fair are really "grown up" things that have taught me a lot and continue to do so. Working on these massive projects and helping as an administrator at the co-op has given me a new feeling about homeschooling and parenting in general.
This may get a little goofy and sappy. You have been warned.
As I sit here at the beginning of 36, I am starting to see myself as a person again, not just as a mother, not just as a homeschooler, not just inside the walls of this house. Whether it's tearing down the street in traffic on my new bike or calling NYC publicists about organizing guest authors or spending the time and attention to get my figure back, I'm not sure, but something is reminding me of the person I used to be and I'm feeling a little braver, a little more certain, more driven than I have in years.
I'm thankful to my husband for seeing me this way when I didn't, for finally making me get that bike, and always encouraging me to go big, and for repeatedly telling the kids "That's Mom's birthday present, so she gets to decide what game to play next!" HAHAHA!!!
Labels: personal
The Weight Watchers site is high on ticky-ticky boxes and rules and things to click. It is a little low on social networking. However, I feel that if I look for 2 seconds I will find a WW Flickr group, a WW Facebook group, and many more ways to get my nerd on. The idea is to make weight loss more like a computer game. If this can be done, I will be svelte in mere moments.
So tomorrow is my first weigh-in. I am optimistic. I haven't weighed myself since the beginning of the 50 day challenge, so who knows? Maybe I have actually lost those 20 pounds already, and replaced them with good thoughts or kind intentions of equal volume!
Me: So, do you feel confident in my ability to properly execute Weight Watchers?
Dan: (trying to watch The Simpsons) Mmm hmm.
Me: Do you ever wish I would just shut the hell up so you could watch The Simpsons?
Dan: Aww, honey, I never wish you would shut up.
Me: You are the nicest husband in the whole entire universe!
Dan: Shut up.
Labels: conversations, husband, personal, weight watchers
In the freezer door, bags of triple berry and green beans, and an extra brick of coffee.
In the freezer, a box of ice cream drumsticks, a bag of veg, an entire army of frozen mac and cheese boxes that Sadie will reliably eat when all else fails, and a bunch of those awful popsicles that come in a plastic tube and you have to squeeze them up, up, up and all over the floor, for eating OUTSIDE. Hidden from view are some frozen biscuits, meat products, and more!
In the fridge door, steak sauce and gatorade, various condiments, a big bottle of lemon juice in the bottom *and* a small lemon-shaped bottle that's hanging its tag over the railing coyly.
In the fridge we have a massive vat of ketchup, a rogue diet Coke can, a jug of milk and some coffee creamer, pickles, bread, a bottle of $4 pink champagne, then lower down a 12 pack of diet Coke, and bags of veg, on down through a shelf of veg, some for the rabbit and some for us, and then at the bottom, potatoes.
This picture was taken on a longsuffering mobile phone. Contents may vary on the date of your visit.
Labels: personal
My entry is here on my myspace music page:
http://www.myspace.com/littleblueschool
Somehow in mixing it down and compressing it first to a .wma and then to a .mp3, I managed to get a whole bunch of crazy stuff in there by way of blips and squeeps. I'm not great at this home recording thing -- this is my first effort. You'll have to imagine it a little cleaner, a little less wobbly, and there you have it. The product of my labors from here at my bedroom vanity table (appropriate, no?) with my microphone, my guitaar, my keyboard, and my laptop. For better or for worse, it's done.
I'm going to try and clean it up a little maybe. Or maybe I'll just leave it strange and bleepy, like me.
The good news is that now that I've figured out my recording equipment (somewhat) I can really record all my science and history songs. Which was the point all along, right? Right? :)
For a list of all the entries, see my book blog. There's an adjacent post with all the entries from last year. At least all the ones that I could hunt down on the internet.
Labels: personal
Wait, before I reveal this, you should prepare yourself to judge me. Harshly. Especially those of you who find TV repulsive and reality TV violently nauseating.
I've been working on writing my song for the American Idol Songwriting Contest. I did it last year, and it was really fun. I don't know why it was fun -- I am being completely honest when I say that. I think it was fun for the same reason that writing that non-fiction book proposal was fun: it was finite, structured, and could be completed. Then it went on to being someone else's problem. So many of my tasks as a mom and a homeschooler are cyclical, and never finished. When I do one of these "extracurricular" projects, there's a satisfaction in completing it and sending it off and being finished with it.
Maybe that's why -- maybe not.
I hope to have my song done today. The deadline is Monday. I will post a link to it when it's finished.
Labels: personal
